Grace Requires Nothing of Me

"I've spent my whole life searching desperately... to find out grace requires nothing of me."

I am one with a panel of inner critics. 
(Enneagram 9 wing 1 through and through.) Things have to be perfect; well, my things have to be perfect. I have to do better, look better, talk better, cook better, be better... work harder, be smarter, keep up with laundry better, play with my dog more, take paint lessons, piano lessons, be more frugal... on and on... always convinced I should improve.

When in a heathy place, it's not so bad.  But, when I look around and start comparing bits and pieces of my life with others, boy oh boy. I've learned to plaster a smile on my face, chuckle when cued, always respond with a "life is great!" even when it doesn't feel that way. 

BUT- God is showing me more every day that I'm okay. Like, really okay. I can always do better, but I don't always have to right away. He loves me and accepts me as I am! And people all around me with hearts like His do, too! I can just be me. However scattered, wrinkled, exhausted, boring, or weird and corny that may sometimes be.
Knowing that brings a joy and freedom that can't be explained! Life is quite amazing. 
"I've spent my whole life searching desperately, to find out grace requires NOTHING of me."


You're in His Sights

“I smile. Even though I hurt, see I smile. I know God is working so I smile. Even though I’ve been here for a while, I smile.” 

Today at church we had our “5 for 5.” It’s where 5 people speak for 5 minutes each. So good!

While all were amazing, one of our students spoke first. Toward the end of her message, she said something that hit my heart.

“When you feel unseen, keep looking at Him...”

That was a line meant for this gal. As I’ve mentioned before, my husband and I haven’t had children yet, but there’s no explanation as to why. That alone can be exhausting.

Then, on the spiritual side, when you pray for something for years and years, but see no answer, that too gets confusing.

Top that with the statistic that only 12% of couples deal with infertility, of which only 3% face “unexplained” issues, and you can feel isolated... misunderstood... invisible.

Man. I’ve been so focused on trying to fix myself... solve my dilemmas... understand my feelings... control my emotions... know my place... figure out my purpose... 

All of those things are healthy and good when balanced properly. But when you’re consumed with trying to understand or figure “it” out... you become more distracted and more confused.

“When you feel unseen... look at Him.”

Not your fears, frustrations, unknown future... Not your situation. Not your timeline.

We -no matter how hard we try- cannot understand God’s infinite wisdom with our finite minds. We won’t be able to see the entire picture through our human lenses. Our best plans can’t come close to the awesomeness interwoven into His.

Friend, if you’re waiting, tired, or confused, focus on what we know to be true. Read His word. Ask for His direction. And be open to however He chooses to relay the answers to you.

I’m waiting, too. And while I sometimes feel unseen, He tells me otherwise.

We’re in His sights, friend. He keeps the stars in place... He can hold us, too!